Mr. Can I get some free advice?

Hello all! 

Hope everyone had a good Easter break! Back to the grind now! 

So going to jump straight in.. I met this guy on a dating website and all was going well – he was funny, had a good job, 5ft11, and cute from his profile picture! This was a date I was actually looking forward to.  He seemed keen too – he was from Bath and said he was going to be in London a week after we started talking so we should meet up. I’m like, great, finally a guy who doesn’t just want to waste some time! 

So we set a time and place and I asked where we should go, because usually all the guys just want to rock up and not put any effort into planning. This dude however responded with a “You leave that to me, I’ll sort it out”. 10/10 for stepping up and he was already miles ahead of a lot of my previous dates just for taking initiative to plan something (shows how easily pleased I am what with all the losers I’ve met!) 

Friday evening comes, and we’re supposed to meet at a pretty nice bar in Mayfair which I know needs booking in advance so was impressed!  So I get to this place (unfashionably early!) and am waiting outside waiting for this tall cute guy to turn up and in the meantime seeing a lot of people getting turned away from the door of this place as they hadn’t booked thinking thankfully this dude has planned ahead. 

He gets there and I didn’t recognise him as I expected a 5ft11 guy to be considerably taller than me at 5ft6 (in my heels!). But he was the same height as me – just. I’m thinking “Ok, he lied about his height, but is still good looking and we get on so just go with it woman.”  We then walk up to the door and he says “I haven’t booked, I hope we get in.” Well, you could’ve said before mate – seeing as it’s bloody raining!! I didn’t say that of course, instead politely said ” We won’t get in, best to go some place else.” 

Then started the walk of all walks.. In the rain..and cold. On our travels through Mayfair, we pass several bars and coffee shops which he didn’t want to go into because they were “too busy”.  So we carry on walking, through the small streets of Mayfair, which as pretty as they are, didn’t stop me from thinking “ok, I’m not quite sure where this dude is leading me to.” Not to be irrational, but it was very dark down there and plenty of alleyways – anyone would think the worst and get a little freaked out.. I kept thinking my friends from work know where I am, if they don’t hear from me tonight they’ll know something is wrong (which I also joked about before leaving for the date!). I also made sure my phone was in my hand in my pocket – just in case.  

Anyway, after that 5 minute walk during which I had imagined many scenarios and tired to recall some moves learnt in my boxercise classes should I need them, we came to a main road full of people. Phew. Again started the walk through bars that were “too busy” or “too packed”. Eventually, we ended up in possibly the busiest pub I’ve been to. We walked upstairs and looked around to see there were no seats and he was like, “we’ll just stand at the bar” not that there was any space! So we get our drinks, and thankfully a couple must’ve seen is (and possibly the look on my face) and pointed out a table right in the darkest corner of the pub – better standing I guess. 

Finally we sit down, and do the usual how was your day etc etc. Then he proceeds to ask me about work (which is HR for me) and the things I have to deal with and starts to tell me how he dealt with an employee in his business – not very well might I add – and asked me if it was right, I said no. And then tried to change the subject because no one wants to talk about work on a Friday evening. But no no, he kept bringing up his employee relation issues and asking me what to do! Sorry, I didn’t realise I was consulting for your company!  This was basically how the evening went..coupled with him texting his sister who he was meeting for dinner whilst on our date, sorry I meant HR meeting.  This was nicely concluded with an awkward walk to the station and the polite “I’ll see you soon” from him. No you won’t, sorry. Again, didn’t say that! 

And that was that. How do people not know how to behave on dates?!  

On a side note, I’ve met Mr. Nice and Tall, but not interested. Which is fun. I met this guy and his friends at a dating evening in Feb, and we all just got on and had a good night with them… And I spent most of the evening talking to this dude. I then asked his friend a few days later to see if he was interested and apparently I’m a “great girl, but not his type”. Thanks! We then bumped into them at a dating event this weekend and lo and behold, we get on really well, were speaking for a lot of the evening so clearly enjoys my company and gets on with me, so what’s your problem?! Oh well, onto the next one – plenty more fish in the sea, apparently. 

Have a great week all xoxox

Miss. I Don’t Want To Do This Anymore

Okay, so I haven’t blogged in the last year and a half.. but it’s because I had pretty much had it with the whole search and was just like I don’t want to do this anymore! However, at some point in the last few months, I had a change of heart and got back on board with the idea and I was speaking to my PT and friend (rolled into one!), who said I should write a book on the weirdos I meet I remembered that I already have a blog!! So I’m back on it (the search and the blog), and will be filling you in with the “fun” dates I’ve been going on!

My lovely dad also kindly reminded me that I’m nearly 30 the other day – actually dad, I’ve still got a few months to go until I’m 29 – but thanks dad, thanks. I did throw in that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I didn’t get married – it’s not the be all and end all of life.  As you can imagine, that went down a treat with the parents! 🙂

This is a short post one just to say that I’m back, properly this time and some of the stories you have to look forward to will feature (in no particular order):

  • Mr. Can I Get Some free Advice
  • Mr. I just got out of a long term relationship and you’re my first date in 2 years
  • Mr. I’m going to make this more awkward and get the train home with you
  • Mr. My mum is always going to live with me (also known as Mr. my mum told me to call her straight after meeting you)
  • Mr. Do you like talking to me?
  • Mr. Every other word is a swear word
  • Mr. I need a live-in maid

I’m sure there’ll be a few more as I’ve already got a date next week (so far, he’s Mr. Normal – but I’m only one WhatsApp conversation in, so that could go downhill fast!)  Here’s hoping that having to weed through the frogs will lead to Prince Charming… or at least you know, a normal human being!

I will leave you with a link to this post I read on Huffington Post which I think it spot on –  Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment  (feel like some people who are married need to have a read of this and stop looking down at those of us who are single – you aren’t better than us! But that’s for a different post, or possibly a whole different blog needed on how people just need to get over themselves… anyway, I digress..)

Be sure to see an update from me in the next few days… will just have to choose which of those above will be featured first for 2016! xoxo

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So it’s been a while…!

Hello hello!

So things got a little hectic after my first and last 2 posts which resulted in me not posting anything for over a year…but I’m back now and hope to post more regularly!

Right, firstly just a little update! I’m still single (and ready to mingle! – apologies for the lame joke)! The last year did bring me a few wierdos (of course!) and not much luck I’m afraid!

Secondly – my list of excuses for not blogging!  So, I was just starting the Indian wedding season after my last post last year, which was busy but relatively cringe-free thank god and a whole lot of fun! I then got pretty swamped with work which I used as my excuse not to blog!

Then came the fun season of Navratri & Garba (nine nights of dressing up and traditional dancing coupled with mothers and aunties and randoms and maybe even me wishing I would bump into a nice young man).  I did happen to meet a guy at garba last year…and I thought maybe, just maybe, my search was over – so no need to blog! But this dude was pretty boring and this fizzled out after a couple of months – he was as Mr. I run my own business so I am too busy to make an effort. Your loss dude – he wasn’t even that cute, so he can do one! 🙂

Then the new year started and I had convinced myself that I would meet a guy by my 27th Birthday (which was last Spring) so went and signed up to a couple of dating websites, and went to quite a few speed dating events! My conclusions:

1) You can’t set a date by when you’ll meet someone (as much as we would like to ladies!)

2) On-line dating is a tiresome task of weeding out the good from the bad and the ugly.

3) Asian Speed dating events attract some right characters!

I was then so put off and again busy with work that there wasn’t much to blog about…and thankfully the summer has also been relatively cringe-free so I wasn’t able to provide any embarrassing stories for anyone to laugh about!

Which brings us to now… Summer is over, and the days are starting to get shorter…Navratri & Garba is also starting this week, so I will keep you updated if any entertainment in the form of strange men come my way!

One of my oldest friends’ just got engaged, and although she has been going out with her Fiancé for 6 years now and they were practically engaged (in Indian terms anyway- you know gor dhaana/rokka whichever you call it – basically an engagement without the rock! and boy does she have a rock and a half now!) it’s just made me realise that it would be nice to have someone to call your own, and that you can rely and count on with you eyes closed as they’re going to be there no matter what (unless they’re douchey, in which case no thank you!). So in addition to my parents reminding me a couple of weeks ago that I’m 27 (the wrong side of 25 remember!) and I’m “getting old” (Thanks Dad. Thanks.) and my mother looking at me like I’m a hopeless case from time -to-time, it seems that I’m sub-consciously putting a little bit of that pressure on myself now..(Yay me.)

I mean is it so hard to meet a guy who is:

1) Taller than me (I’m just 5ft4 for crying out loud – that is not tall!)

2) Not weird

3) Can string a sentence together (remind me to tell you about Mr. every other word is a swear word)

4) Has his head screwed on and the maturity of a grown up, not an 18 year old

5) Ticks the boxes my parents need ticked (Gujarati, Hindu, Vegetarian)

6) Ticks the boxes I need ticked (sensible, funny, mature, NOT a mummy’s boy but a Man please, fun and not uptight, has some form of stability – mentally and emotionally and knows what he wants from life) That’s not THAT big of a list!

7) A decent human being

Seriously – you guys can tell me if I’m asking for a lot, but honestly I don’t think I am! 🙂

So the search for the tall, dark and handsome man continues… I hope to update you soon!

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Mr. I heard you like to go to the temple a lot

It’s May 2012 – I’m in the Uni library at around 10pm revising for my first master’s exam the week after and my phone buzzes (making everyone turn around to look where the noise is coming from on the silent floor…oops!).  It’s a cryptic text from my mum “sunm1 called Jay* will text you 2moro.” I’m like wth?! No, “how’s revision, hope you’re not stressing” just that. So I call her and was like, “I’m sorry, what was that now?” So she explains to me, (very matter of factly) that this guy is 25 years old, works at some company and the lady on the phone said he was a very good boy. Well she was his mum, she’s hardly going to say anything else is she?! Anyway, at this point I explain to my mother that I have 4 weeks of exams, followed by 3 months of dissertation writing and that I really don’t have time to go get to know people. To which her reply was, “I already gave them your number – if he texts then reply to him. Ok, now go and revise, good luck, call me tomorrow. Love you”

Right…okay then…so there I was (wishfully) thinking he won’t message, because before that we had had around 7-8 mother’s call up, taken my number but I hadn’t heard from their sons.

So, after having a little rant to my friend who found it very amusing, I got back to my revision and then I see my phone light up (I had turned it off vibrate this time!) and lo and behold it was Jay who said “Hi!! I’m Jay, my mum gave me your number, how’s it going??”

First thoughts then: “wow, I reallyy can’t be bothered with this..!” Anyway, I thought I should reply to be polite (and also to avoid an earful from my mother).  So I did explaining that I’m busy revising etc. He, however, didn’t interpret this to mean that he shouldn’t disturb he clearly thought I had nothing better to do so kept messaging and unfortunately I fell into this polite conversation for a little while.  Anyway, after a while I stopped replying and thought he would wait for me to reply before he messaged me.  I was mistaken.  The next morning (after 3 hours of sleep thanks to making up for time lost talking to this dude), I woke up to a whatsapp message with what was supposed to be a “motivational” meme to help me revise. Really it just irritated me. So I didn’t reply, and an hour later I got a another message saying “good morning!!! did you get my whatsapp?” I was like oh god leave me alone, but I didn’t say that! anyway again I replied to be polite – you know, answer questions, don’t ask any so there’s nothing to reply to.  Again, our friend here didn’t get the hint and continued sending me messages, which got longer and longer each time.  Like I didn’t have enough to read with the exams coming up! Anyway, at this point, I thought it was time to Facebook stalk this guy (to be honest, I’m surprised I lasted a whole 24 hours without doing a fbk search on him! )  So I typed in the name, with 2 of my friends standing behind me to have a look…and his page loaded, and I knew it was him as he had told me where he worked and studied.  So the page loaded, and I saw his picture and I thought “Oh no.” But I tried not to be shallow and thought I wouldn’t say anything until I heard my friends laughing and one of them said, “No. Just no.” Lol..to make matters worse, we’re going through his Facebook (it’s not my fault that he didn’t have any privacy settings and I could see everything!)  All his statuses were in Hindi – like not typed in English, but actual Hindi characters.  Luckily, one of my friends could read the language so I asked her what it said and she said it was like quotes and lines from religious books. Wow…intense! Anyway, so I didn’t stop messaging outright, because that’s rude, but limited my messages to like 1 a day or every other day..but he still kept messaging several times a day – and I was just like please get the  hint,  really have more important things to worry about right now.  So I told him that I was busy with exams and would be in touch after I finish.

So a few weeks later, I’ve just got home after my last exam and my phone pings – and it’s him! Stupidly at some point I had told him what date my exams finished – and he had remembered! So anyway I read his essay of a message and he was like “Now, you’ve finished we can really get to now each other, I think we already have a lot in common, my mum told me you like to go to the temple a lot and help out and stuff – I’m really in to that as well.  We should meet up next week for coffee!!”

I was like, erm…really?! who told his mum this?! I did double check with my mum to ask if she had said any of this..and she said no.  Thank god!! My mum thought that this lady must have seen me at the temple once and I probably just helped put something away because that’s polite and so this lady just made assumptions that I would be the perfect match for her son! Oh dear me!!

So I was like oh man, this is not great…and thought no need to be polite any more (probably the result of a month of no sleep, junk food and exams!) and I said, “Hi Jay, hope you’re ok.  To be honest, I don’t think we click, and I’m not really into going to the temple etc etc..so don’t think we have that much in common either.. but you seem like a nice person and good luck with everything.” Luckily, this time he did get the message and agreed.

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Looking for ‘The One’…the Indian way!

So it’s a nice sunny Sunday afternoon and I’m tidying in my room, the window is open and Fun’s We are young is playing from my laptop and the phone rings…and rings…and rings…prompting everyone in my household to shout for me to answer it (because God forbid anyone else should move!).  Anyway, I run to answer the phone, “Hello?” “Huh-lo” says a lady whose thick Indian accent I don’t recognise.  “Yes, hello, who’s calling?” This prompts the lady to ask me if I’m my mum to which I obviously say no and ask her to politely hold on in Gujarati while I get my mum.  Thinking that it’s some aunty that I don’t know I carry on doing my cleaning as my room’s a tip due to the chaos of wearing a sari with tons of bangles to a function the day before. About 10 minutes later my mum comes into my room and tells me it was some lady we met at said function.  Mum goes on to tell me how we know her – you know the usual, so-and-so’s sister’s husband’s brother’s wife’s sister’s daughter-in-law.  Thinking I have no idea who mum’s talking about I just stare at her blankly until she says those four words. The four words that make me cringe.  The four words that scream “awkkwarrrdddddd….!!!” The four words no Indian girl really wants to hear, but undoubtedly will: “She has a son.”

And so it began – I had been Hindu-duced. In other words, word had got around that I’m over 24 so therefore I simply must be looking for a nice boy to be my husband and to look after me and someone I can cook and clean after.  Err no thank you – I do enough of that as it is.  Okay, so I know I’m exaggerating here, and there are hundreds of people in this day and age, a few of my good friends included, who have met their other halves this way and who aren’t fresh, and are nice, normal people.  I even know that a lot of happy marriages are made this way. One of my closest friend’s has met the most amazing guy who’s well mannered, good looking, well educated and just such a nice person. I saw them last weekend for the first time since their wedding and you can see they are made for each other and they love each other so much.  It’s really quite heart-warming.  Anyway, I sidetrack…

I just want to say that I have absolutely nothing against introductions, and I think it is a good way to meet someone especially if finding someone of the same religion/caste/community is important to you.  Initially, I was kind of open to this idea, however, over the past 2 years I’ve had some right weirdoes introduced to me – like right weirdoes. The kind of people you talk to and think – dude, how have you got this far in life..?! Let me also point out here that I am not expecting a Ryan Gosling/John Abraham look-a-like…but someone that I can stand looking at would be nice..! So (with more than a gentle nudging from my really good friend) I decided I should blog about these, and not just about the odd guys that get sent my way…the fun that comes with all this in the form of being a twenty-something female in the Indian community, going to weddings when everyone knows your single, oh and of course the joy of your parents checking out guys for you (dad included).   My poor friend probably thought “dear god, she’s doing my head in….if she writes a blog; maybe she’ll spare me the stories!”

I start writing this the week before the wedding season starts for me – some cringe worthy moments are definitely expected!!

Let me ease you in with the first guy that was introduced to me…I got an email from him which went along the lines of:

“Hi,

I’m messaging you because my mum told me to.  If you’re free tomorrow at 6pm meet me in Costa by (some station or other). Let me know.

Amit*”

Er sure, how can a girl refuse an invitation like that?! So I replied telling him that he shouldn’t feel obliged to message me just cus his mum told him and that in fact I’m not free tomorrow.

Douche. ( I left that bit out).

So Amit here replies saying that he isn’t being forced and btw, how tall am i? And sends me a not so flattering picture of himself – which made him look like he was about 5ft and asked if I could send him a picture of me.  Ew. Not feeling this one already – kind of creeps me out sending photos of myself to people I don’t know..anyway, I sent a picture of me and told him I was 5ft4”.

To which he never replied. (I’d like to mention here that although I know I’m not like Miss World or anything, I’m an average looking girl who scrubs up quite well…and the picture I sent him was pretty decent…over 10 likes on Facebook I’ll have you know!)  Now, I didn’t really care that Mr. “I’m messaging you cus my mum told me and I look like a 12 year old” didn’t reply.  My friends (after having seen the god awful picture) were sorely disappointed – I don’t know why.  And so was my mum – who demanded to see what picture I had send to make sure it was a good one (which she then agreed was “awww what a lovely picture, why haven’t I seen it before?!” oh mum. Bless you.)  Anyway Amit’s mother called home after that to enquire if we had been talking…err why you don’t ask your precious son instead bothering us at home?! To which my mum replied that I had responded and Amit had not replied.  End of story. This was back when my mum was cool – and not stressing that I was on the “wrong side of 25” as one of my male friends so sensitively puts it.

So that’s when it all began – if only I could say that was the worst of it!

Hope some of you could relate to that, and if not at least have a bit of a laugh at it! Feel free to comment and share any stories…I will definitely be sharing some more soon..!

* I will be changing names – just in case anyone actually does read this blog, wouldn’t want anyone to read it and say, “omg – I know him!”

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